After the roughly two month process to make all of my books available on Barnes&Noble, I got back to writing “gone in a flash”, Jack and Charlotte’s third book. I tried, anyway. But for some reason, it just wasn’t working. It was actually difficult to write. I’ve never had this experience before, and it was unpleasant. It took me a while to figure out what the problem was, but finally I realized; I spent the past nine months trying to stay too busy for grief to catch up with me,  and I was worn out. I couldn’t outrun it anymore. Losing Indy was, and is, incredibly hard. Underneath all the busyness  and forced cheerfulness, I’ve been  sad and depressed. I dream about him often. Some dreams are good, and I wish I could get back to them. In others, I’m grieving his loss. I even dreamed that when we moved away from NM almost nine years ago, we left Fox there at the house. Being as it was a dream, it suddenly hit me, and I couldn’t fathom how we could’ve done that in the first place, and why we never went back. I was in a panic to get to him, and sick that he must think we didn’t want him. I’d be willing to give up the good dreams, to be spared the bad! Either way, whether in a dream or after, I’m often reminded of Indy’s loss, and Fox’s. I’ve got grieving to do, and until I deal with that, I can’t write about Jack.

As I pondered that realization, I got to thinking about when my grandmother was dying. It was terribly hard, and not being able to be there was difficult. I don’t remember what I was writing at the time, but I had to switch to something with a darker mood. That book has yet to be published, but expect it sometime in the future, as HOB nine or ten. There will also be an eleven and twelve, etc., so it wasn’t that dark! It had a different mood though, one that better fit my own. It helped me work through my feelings, and I realized that’s what I need.

So, I looked through my files, and then started a new one. Remember Amelia, in “Hiding Treasure”? Well of course not, how could anyone possibly? We never met her, and she was only mentioned twice. You probably remember her husband, though. He was mauled nearly to death by Tressa’s cat, Herman, then hurled over the balcony, after which, he made an unforgiving landing on the floor below. As Jack said in his and Charlotte’s last book, the guy survived long enough to suffer quite a bit. So as of this week, I began writing “cry in the dark”. Or “cries in the dark”, or some version thereof. This is the cover, minus the to-be-finalized title:

The main character is Amelia, recently widowed, thanks to Herman. If you recall what her husband had planned, and the kind of husband he was, then you can imagine how difficult her life has been. She has a lot to work through, and is dealing with tough emotions of her own. Despite that, the book will not be without humor. I’ve got three pages, and Amelia’s sister already made me laugh several times. Who could survive for long, if there was no humor to lighten the tough times? It’s true that sometimes Brad’s laughter is more nervous than amused, such as the other day when he asked me what I was doing. I answered quite honestly, that I was researching how to lower a coffin into a grave. I’m sure he’d agree I’m a joy to live with, especially after I shared factoid after disturbing factoid, which I turned up during my research. I couldn’t find anything about the sound a casket makes when it reaches the bottom, though. But then it dawned on me, I could ask Dad! He used to work at a funeral home. So I asked, and he said it doesn’t make any sound, as long as you do it right. So, it could go either way. It’s nice to have options.

I have no idea when my latest book will be out, or in what order. At some point I’ll be ready to get back to Jack and Charlotte, so who knows. Right now, “cries in the night” (or whatever it’s ultimately dubbed) is playing through my mind like a movie. I almost forgot what that was like, and it’s a relief to be on the way back to normal. My normal, anyway!